Even more stress, discharge, etc. – Page 3 – RYL Forums

*hugs if ok* I don’t think you’re being whiny or overdramatic, I understand how difficult things can be especially when you’re not feeling great. Whatever you feel is ok, please don’t beat yourself up. Hopefully when the team meet you they will be able to recognise that you as an individual do need support rather than what they have only heard about you second hand. Let them know that you’re worried about how you’re going to manage work etc and that you need something to keep you going and to improve things for you. You are doing this despite how awful you feel and how impossible things seem. I understand feeling like everything is just repeating itself and you’re getting nowhere but from an objective point of view I can see that you totally have made progress and been through so much.

There are things happening right now and overwhelming feelings that are so huge that you can mostly only focus on them. I don’t really have any advice, sorry, but I hear you and I hope you can keep taking steps forward and are heard and supported.

It didn’t go well. I’m trying really hard not to make any judgements about whether I like the CPN or not, or think he could be helpful. But it just really wasn’t a good meeting, partly because I found it really hard to express myself. But I did try, and my old CC tried, and they have all the information from the referral. He asked about the episode I had a few years ago that got me referred to EI, which I didn’t really manage to explain very well. Then he said that it seems like I’ve basically been well since I recovered from that but that my mood can fluctuate a bit based on circumstances. That genuinely isn’t the case, I’ve had periods of both high and low mood independent of any external triggers. My old CC tried to tell him that but he didn’t really seem to take it on board. Then he said that living back at home is the problem and I should move out. Which I can’t do, and although I know being at home is difficult, I don’t think it’s just that. I still have mental health problems when I don’t live here.

He got really fixated on the fact that I used to be on quetiapine. He asked why I came off it, and when I explained about how it made me feel, he said those side effects pass within a few weeks of starting it. Which they didn’t for me. But I’m pretty sure he’s going to suggest going back on quetiapine instead of lithium, because then I could be discharged.

I cried at my poor old CC after the appointment, she was lovely and tried to be reassuring but I think basically agreed with me. She’s coming to the appointment with the psych in a couple of weeks as well, which is really really good of her and she said she’ll try really hard not to let them push me into changing meds from lithium etc. But I’m dreading it.

She asked me to write down stuff about how I was during that really bad episode, and also how I’m feeling now, so that they have it and they’ll know, even if I can’t say things. I know it’s a good idea and I will do it but I’m scared of not being believed. Even with my old CC, who is the best professional I’ve ever worked with, there’s a lot I’ve not told her about things at their worst, and I’m scared to.

I don’t feel very hopeful about this. I’m trying not to dismiss it so easily but today didn’t really do anything to make me feel like they haven’t already made up their minds about me and what they’re going to do. I feel quite hopeless because I’m genuinely trying so hard but I can’t do this. There’s no way I will cope with uni unless I can change how I’m feeling.